


Friend, Please

by king_kkai



Series: Shit I write when I'm sad [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Other, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Sad, Self-Hatred, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, twenty one pilots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/king_kkai/pseuds/king_kkai
Summary: Trigger warning - talks a bit about past abuse and sexual assault.This is just something I started writing a while ago when I was stuck in a bad place and I wanted to finish it. I had to listen to twenty one pilots self titled on repeat just to get myself more inspired, I lack motivation right now though so it was very hard trying to write. My mental health do be gettin worse.
Series: Shit I write when I'm sad [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855900
Kudos: 1





	Friend, Please

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of bad and kind of everywhere, I apologize. I kind of just ended up writing whatever thoughts had popped into my head. Sorry for any spelling errors and shit like that, my brain isn't working.

He's petrified. 

Petrified of who he has become.

His mind has taken over, begging him to take his life away. He wants to leave, he's begging to leave. Why won't you let him leave? Nothing is good anymore, nothing seems to be making him happy, his life is crumbling in the palm of his hands.

It's slowly crumbling into pieces. 

Why can't you just let him leave? He isn't important, nobody will even know he's gone. Nobody notices him, but maybe that's what he wants. It would make it easier for him to go away forever. 

He's falling down his own trapdoor, something he always hoped wouldn't happen, but throughout the years, it had become the only thing he wanted. He wanted to leave, he felt as if his life was just a waste, that nothing good will ever happen again. He would rather go back to being a child and not understanding all the bad things that were happening to him then be silently suffering everyday and wishing he were dead. At least back when he was a child, he was happy and always had fun. Now he's just pathetic, he's living a pathetic life.

He lost faith in everything, he had no more hope. The only thing he had was a note, a note with a simple goodbye, a note that he wouldn't use because if it failed, he would feel like such a disappoint.

There were so many possibilities that could happen when it came to suicide. He could die, finally be taken by his own hands or he could end up alive and miserable again, waiting for each day to end. He waits slowly as each day passes, constantly planning what he will do to himself on what day and at what time. 

He waits and waits and waits until the day he fully breaks. 

When will he finally be able to finish this waste of a life..? It's tiring, his mind is a horrid place and it gets worse and worse as the days go by. He denies all help, believing that he doesn't deserve it, because he really doesn't, a shit person like him deserves nothing. He deserves to feel like this. He will never deserve to be happy.

Why does his friend blow his phone up like she is actually worried about him? Their friendship has to be a joke right? She doesn't actually care for such a shit person, she can't. She can't because such an amazing person as herself should not be friends with someone who looks like him, who acts like him, she deserves someone so much better. God, she deserves the world, not someone like him. 

He will never deserve someone like her. Fuck, he will never deserve anybody who's in his life. It all has to be a joke, nobody can possibly love that thing. That's impossible. Nobody will ever love him, not his family, not his friends, not any future lover.

N o b o d y .

Pretending is all he is good at, he has to make sure everybody believes he is okay, but you should see him at night as he lays in bed. The once nice dreams have turned into horrible nightmares of the guy who took advantage of him, it seems as if he relives those times when he sleeps. He sees the guy with him, he's too scared to tell him to stop, he doesn't want him to get angry and hurt him more. He's terrified. He was such a young boy at the time it all happened. His dreams constantly consist of those moments and his mind is always filled with paranoia. 

He worries about future relationships, will his future lovers abuse him too? What if they make him feel useless, call him slurs, control who he is friends with, make fun of his trauma, tell him they miss being with their ex's and that he isn't good enough for them? 

He grew up thinking that was love...

The air begins to feel a little thin, his breathing picks up as his thoughts get worse and worse. He can't breathe. Tears fall down his face as he curls up in his bed, panic attacks are pretty usual for him when he gets like this, but he deserves it, doesn't he? Yeah, he definitely does.

His thoughts consume him.

Everyday it gets worse.

He will never be happy. 

People just keep fucking excusing his behavior, they don't give a shit but they should! They should be furious at him, yell at him, scream at him, do anything. He's a terrible person, he should just shut up and die already. 

His friends need to just tell them that they hate him already, that they despise him and never fucking liked him in the first place, that they just felt bad for him so they decided to become his friend. Please.. please tell him that already. He needs to hear the truth. 

He can't take being lied to anymore.

He can't take being alive anymore.

He needs to just finish his waste of a life.

He's petrified.


End file.
